the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
