Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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