The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
