would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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