Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
