the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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