so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
