you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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