Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
sex in a hospital.. check
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
