I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize