Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
