Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
