I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
