walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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