This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
