He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
