the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
