Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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