Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
