i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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