If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
