yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he fucked my hip out of place.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
