Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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