If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
