looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
