dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
