I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i out mim tonsoeep
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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