Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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