It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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