I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't deserve a penis
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
