I hate all girls vehemently.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
