I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
