So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
