Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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