When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
