Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
