i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
