Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
