I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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