i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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