U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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