once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's the barista slut.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
