tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
