My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
