It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
