Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
