So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
