how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
