just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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