no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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