If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
