what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
