So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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