Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
