Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
