I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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