How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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