i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
