is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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