I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
