well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize