Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
