The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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