Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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