dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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