So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my shit smells like andre
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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