i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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