i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
